Mop-Up Nitro 10.16.00
By Hyatte
Mop-Up Nitro
If the WWF does buy WCW, you DO realize that Rikishi will end up being the Humvee Driver, right?
And with all this talk about this possible deal... you DO realize that I AM right and that the WAR IS OVER?????
By the way, just for fun... (and because I am desperately late for work)... this recap shall be NON-PROOFREAD!! Have fun sorting through all the typos.
Nitro: (or: Watch how fast I burn through this mother)
-WCW Logo: I hope it saved it's money.
-Scenes from scenic MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA. Schiavone quickly runs through some tripe about how it's rich in History and Art. The whole continent was once a penal colony, folks... IMAGINE... A WHOLE CONTINENT FILLED WITH ANAL RAPISTS!!!!.
-Tony says it's only fitting that NITRO be held there... because it's the birthplace of Mel Gibson... or something
-well? isn't that where the name comes from? DUUH!
-opening theme
-Tony welcomes us to Australia, FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT WEEK!!! I haven't been around much last week... how many Internet Clowns made the damn near mandatory joke about how fitting it was that WCW spoent the last two week "down under" while the entire company is going "down under"? How many? I'm sure Scaia's a lock... who else? If it's less than 25, I'll eat my own poop.
-They are in some building... who gives a crap? I'll never be there. Probably used to be a Prison anyway.
-Hey, is that Paul Hogan in the audience? There! The one in the nosebleed section with his face in his hands screaming, "WOT 'APPENED?"
-Hey, is that Yahoo Serious selling beer in the seats?
-HEY!!! IS THAT JACKO IN THE SEATS WITH A BIG SIGN THAT READ "THE BLOODY BUNNY STOLE MY CAREER!!!"
-and that exhausts my entire knowledge of Australia
-Disqo Inferno and Alex Wright came to the ring. Madden calls Disq "Jerk Jiggler"... which is stupid... and makes me want to get the ball rolling early on his Momma!!! But I won't... I CAN'T really..
-We see footage from last week where they almost won the tag belts... key word is "where"... because it is grammatically incorrect and SHOULD be replaced with the word "when"... so...
-We see footage from last week when they almost won the tag belts. (beautiful)
-Why is Stevie Ray there?
-Jindrak and O'Hare come out. Stevie Ray brags about being a "straight shooter"... fine, next time I see him, I'll peacefully and promptly hand over my wallet without a fuss.
-Wright got on the mic and spoke German. I'm sure whatever he said had something to do with the Jews.
-Disq got on the mic and said that he just talked to their "good, close, personal friend, the Cat" (Ray said, "That's a Lai"... umm... nooo, that's a "promo"... and just what is a "lai" anyway?)
-"good, close, personal friend"... why is it always those three adjectives and why are they ALWAYS in that order?
-Disq sez that this match WILL be for the straps, there WILL be no Natural Born Thrillers around, and Mike Sanders can't do a damn thing about it! (why do YOU think Sanders is so high profile now? Maybe because *I* said he ROCKS?)
-The teams went at it.
-Disq and Wright have early advantage...
-By the way, Tony friggin' SCREAMED that this was a sell-out crowd! It IS funny to see all the upper lights finally turned on. Next week, when they get back to the States, I hear they are planning a "very special" "No Lights At All" edition of Nitro where we will be encouraged to picture the action in our minds as we see a dark screen.
-Jindrak went for a Springboard Belly Splash on Disq... Disq avoided it... Disq went for the Chartbuster... Disq went for the pin...
-Kronik ran out and laid waste to the Boogers... which led to an easy NTB pin. Why is it, Disqo has been in the biz for years and still doesn't look as polished as Jin and O'H?
-backstage, Mike Sanders tells the Perfect Event that they will re-take WCW for themselves tonight. Nash, who looks blonder than EVER (DUDE... I'm sorry, but you STILL ain't passing for 30) tells them to go get Ernest Miller, and to make sure he has no hassles tonight because he is sporting a bad hangover. (to be fair... all that new color in his hair might have seeped into his brain). Sanders promises him a free ride tonight.
-outside, Goldberg arrives late... hey, YOU try finding some fresh Gevelta Fish in a Continent where "God" is a dirty word.
-commercials
-Backstage, Ernest Miller headF**ks Mike Sanders into booking Kevin Nash against Sting tonight. (now THAT'S a match they should have had years ago!) and also tells Sanders that he will personally kick his ass tonight too! He also promised a big shocker. But why give EVERYTHING away during the unopposed hour?
-Have they EVER reasonably explained why Miller and Sanders seem to trade off on who books the matches each week? Have they EVER reasonably explained ANYTHING, for that matter?
-Lance Storm came out with his crew. Dammit, EITHER BREAK MAJOR GUNNS AWAY FROM THIS GROUP OR GET HER TO TURN CANADIAN!! BUT ENOUGH OF THIS "OOO I HATE THIS" garbage!!!
-Duggan was there too... HOOOOOOOOOOOO
-See, I can piss and moan about this because even the hardest of the hard-core WCW fans realize that this week means diddly squat.
-Storm hopped on the mic (yes, dammit... he physically HOPPED), and asked if he could serious for a minute... which might be one of the all time greatest opening lines EVER.
-okay, whos push sank faster? Storm's or Jericho's?
-Storm sez that this whole nation is wearing thin on him. If he sees one more cricket match, or hears one more "Good Day, Mate!", he's gonna be sick! (Right... like the world isn't completely nauseated with the phrase, "How's it goin', eh?" And what exactly is a "hoser" anyway?)
-SCUM DWELLING... CANADIAN... BOTTOM FEEDERS!!!!!!!!!
-Storm was only out there because there's a match at Halloween Havok that they are a part of and they have to sell it, no matter how pointless the act is.
-Storm demanded that everyone shut up for the Canadian National Anthem... so of course, Tony and Stevie ray start yapping right away.
-OO, dig the intense Storm glare as they play the Anthem...
-Misfits in Action (ahem... a Mexican, a German, and a New Orleans Frenchman do NOT... a "Made In America" team make) came out without Rection. A-Wall slapped palms as he walked with a table in his hand. God, remember when A-Wall was Sullivan's pride and joy?
-Just as Tony pondered where Rection was... he popped out of the seats and atacked Storm from behind. Stevie said, "It's on NOW, Tony!" (Odd, I didn't see Rena Mero in the audience?)
-Duggan with powerslams galore... HOOOOOOOOOO
-Tony rhetorically asked if Duggan's story wasn';t one of the biggest stories of the YEAR... Stevie rhetorically countered that Duggan was one of the biggest stories of the MILLENNIUM (really? You mean THIS Millennium? Which is only 10 MONTHS OLD???? Or maybe LAST Millennium? Which means that Duggan turning heel is bigger than the Beatles, JFK, Lindberg, Hitler, Manson, OJ, Television, the Internet and Pauly Shore??)
-Skipper Elix (oh like it matters) went through a table... Gunns gave Rection a chair... Storm dropkicked the chair into rections face... used the chair on Loco Guerrero (I'm just waiting for them to set him up with Asya) and eventually hit the Maple Leaf on rection. Storm won.
-Sting arrived... wearing a RED DOORAG IN HONOR OF HULK HOGAN!!! (see, told you it was a work!)
-commercials
-Goldberg will be doing an "Up Close and Personal" deal with CNN sometime this week. Because he is the most FASCINATING MAN ON THE PLANET!!!!
-andbecausercnnandwcwisownedbythesamedamnempireforthetimebeingandthewwfloudlylaughedwhentheytriedtobooktherock
-Shane Douglas came out with Torrie Wilson, who is really working that trashy look (not the biggest stretch imaginable)
-Stevie Ray wanted them leave the ring... then asked why WCW can't find any fine Sisters to showcase? Then asked "where dat banana bitch at?"
-Douglas demanded that they cut the music a full half-second AFTER they cut the music (*sigh... the same mistake, every damn week... it's funny, really.)
-Douglas says that he is sick and tired of this Hellhole of a Nation... what I want to know is... who the hell is he pointing to when he addresses the crowd?
-Do you realize that if Hudson were there, he would have wished us "Good night" 9 times already! (HAW!! I LOVE DOING THAT!)
-Douglas reminded the Aussies that they went home without a single Olympic title... well, actually... they were home already... the proper thing would be to say that they didn't get to keep a single Olympic title in-country... they all went away.
-The crowd booed... which pissed off Douglas to the point where he DEMANDED that Konan get out there with whatever was left of that silly crew of his... and screw it, Douglas will "Franchise" ALL of those Filthy Animals.
-Konan came out wearing a bandana and a Dallas Maverick Basketball jersey with the name "FOLEY" on the back (Man, isn't that like Tom Brokaw doing the news with a CBS tie on?) Tygress and Rey were with them. I strpongly doubt anything can "rejuveenate" this crew... heh heh... HAH HAH HAH.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-K-Douche says that Douglas already has a head start in this Handicapped match, since he is mentally handicapped... (which was NOT funny... but the site of an enraged Douglas stabbing his finger at him and screaming "YOU SON OF A BITCH" as if Konan just keyed his new Mercedes WAS funny)
-Konan said that they can do this... and then he'll give Torrie a little burrito afterwards... they charged the ring. Stevie says that "it's on like Donkey Kong, baby" (say whaa?)
-Tygress slapped Douglas across the mush... Madden dounbted that this was Tyrgess's first "3 on 1" HEY MARK!! WANNA TALK ABOUT TRIPLE TEAMING SOME OLD FART??? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT WHAT ME AND MY BOYS DID TO YO... YOUR.... your.... *cough*... I'm sorry... old habits.
-Tyrgess gave Douglas her "Face full of stuff"... which was more like "Chest full of stuff"... but since when does the truth get in the way of Madden's desperation to get over?
-ooo... one good thing about the WWF taking over... Madden will be the FIRST to go.
-Douglas went outside and Torrie blindsided everyone with mace. Stevie wanted to know if it was mace or pepper spray? Anyone else waiting for him to start describing the differences between the two?
-Torrie took care of Tygress... then Douglas handcuffed Konan to the ring ropes and made him watch as he dropped Rey with a Tombstone (which Tony, for some ASININE REASON, called a "Shoulder Breaker")
-Douglas and Torrie celebrated.
-Backstage, Big Sexy had to break up an argument between Stasiak and Palumbo. I swear... Nash is the only guy in this compnay who looks to be having a ball, nowadays. I'm sure this will not last now that Hall was finally s-canned.
-Booker was there... he has now adopted (*COUGHrippedoffHACK*) the Rock's penchant for jerking his head either left or right as he walked. When will he start pretending to smell stuff?
-commercials
-backstage, Rey was loaded into an ambulance... on the side, it said, "Macon County Ambulatory Unit"... HEY!!! WHAT GIVES??? IS THIS A SCAM??? Kidman was there to ask Konan if he needed any help? Or if Konan had any more of that fine Ecstasy that got Juvee all jacked up? (*sigh... some boys never learn)
-commercials
-Mike Awesome and Crowbar came out to fight the Perfect Event. Coach Nash was there an joined the Announce team... but not before he flipped his bouncy hair for the all important homo crowd out there. (exact same variation of a line I used in the RAW recap... for those scoring at home)
-Mike Awesome... man o man... whatever "beyond sad" means... his WCW career is it.
-The guy used to throw men off cages. Now... ugh.
-and CROWBAR???? WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE STRIPPED NAKED FOR BREAKFAST?
-Nash got on the mic and said, "First off..." GAH!!! Even as a guest COLOR man he refuses to stray off the script!!
-He points out that The Perfect Event's theme music is horrible and that'll be changed by next week. That was... Mortis's old music, right? NO... LUGER'S!!
-where IS Luger, anyway?
-Ugh... look at Nash sitting next to Madden. Nash looked young, tanned, healthy, and handsome. Madden, meanwhile was pasty white... had bags under his eyes and sucked air out of his mouth. They are probably the same age, too.
-Awesome and Crowbar won... that wasn't the point. The point was to sell Palumbo as the main player of the team and Stasiak as the the albatross... of course, it doesn't take an "Oracle" to figure out how short Stasiak's future is should WCW become "The WWF 2"
-Hell, Nash even said that he gave Stasiak "cassette tapes" to listen to again and again and again. That poor kid is SCREWED!
-Nash cracked me up whenever he said "Aw JEEZE"
-Stevie said that Palumbo was one of his personal "Top Ten" wrestlers in WCW... keep in mind that Stevie has himself listed at #1 though. Of course, this didn't stop Tony from acting like Stevie was Stu Saks and he just declared Palumbo #1 in the PWI Top 500.
-after the match, they started to shove each other again... Nash ran in to break it up, make them hug, and flip his newly blonde hair... and not necessarily in that order.
-Backstage, Shane Douglas challenged Booker T to a match tnight and Torrie Wilson told Pollshock to "watch your job, bitch"... Pollshock brilliantly countered with "takes one to know one!"
-commercials
-David Flair challenged Buff, by way of Mike Sanders, to a DNA match at HH. Much like the rest of the planet, Sanders was amazed that David was still working the "Real Father" gimmick. Even though I always bash them for reripping off the WWF, they really should take notes on just how well-timed the "Who hit Austin" angle was. That damn Rikishi completely up and stole all interest this Papa storyline had going for itself.
-Kwee Wee carried Paisley to the ring. SEE YA!!
-well, let's see who he is fighting...
-Johnny Da Bull.... ADIOS
-commercials
-we see that the Bull was stretchered away. Injury wise, he might be going for Ahmed's record
-The Cat came out with his chick. He got instant props for announcing before the entire audience there and here at home that he hates Mark Madden's fat ass!! (This is more effective than Foley referencing a town and sticking up his thumb... because this is something we can ALL get behind... and there's a LOT of "behind" of Madden to get)
-although... who would want to get Madden's behind?
-okay Stevie... it wasn't THAT funny... over selling it will NOT get you over...
-The Cat asked if they wanted to see him dance. The Aussie crowd did. The Aussie crowd are morons.
-Madden referenced Green Lantern... I would have to rewind in order to find out exactly how... and that ain't gonna be happening anytime in the near OR far future.
-The Cat danced... then demanded that Mike Sanders get out there for an ass whippin'
-Sanders steps out. Miller asks the butrning question... "Just who IS this guy anyway?" (Why, he's Hyatte's MAIN MAN!!!! So of COURSE, he runs the show now!!)
-Sanders says that he ain't got much time for this... he has to pretend to care about Johnny Bull being ferried to a Hospital. He challenged Miller to a "Commissioner Match" at HH. Miller agreed.
-Sanders, "It's a damn shame that you and that cheeze whiz sucking, trailer trash Hoochie came to the ring alone!"
-Miller, quick as his namesake, "I'll tell you what, I would have brought yo' Momma but she couldn't get her big ass through those double doors out there!" (HAW HAW HAW!!! I LOVE IT!!)
-Kronik stepped out and stood by Sanders. Millers said something that was totally cut. Sanders tells them to "kick his ass"... they proceed to walk down the ring.
-Goldberg's music came on. Kronik did an about face and prepared to ambush him.
-ahh, but you have to get up pretty damn early to fool Goldberg... he swept in from the seats and joined Miller in the ring.
-GB got the mic and said, "Hey boys, over here!"... which made zero sense since they were already staring at him. (story of this company's life)
-Sanders said that this will not be happening tonight because... well, it's Australia... Jesus... who cares?
-This match will go down at HH. Clarke got on the stick and tried to sell us on the idea that they are the REAL Acolytes.
-Adams got on the mic, said, "You knowww"... then proceeded to read his lines... which he does BADLY.
-GB told them to bring it... and probably said something about their manhood. Needless to say, the WCW Staff ran out got in the middle of the three men who really didn't seem to be all that jacked to jam to begin with.
-commercials
-Sanders has a job for David Flair. Ther world will just have to wait a little bit longer to find out.
-Douglas came out as Scott Steiner joined the Announce team. He spoke lucidly enough... but he said so many "questionable" things... he kept getting bleeped.
-Booker T came out. Slapping hands with a HUGE smile on his face... which really is cool to see.
-Jesus... the punchline to a DETAILED Steiner story was blanked right out... evetrything he said ended in a bleep. He is an IDIOT
-This is a title match... for the title... heh
-Douglas is a boring performer in his first match... what makes you think he improves for his second?
-Stevie Ray called this a "Main Event in any arena in the world". If they sell out ONE building based on this match alone, I will personally eat anything that falls out from under Madden's breasts.
-Douglas takes control of Booker... including a Neck Wrench that the Aussie crowd actually treated like it was exciting!!! (Poor bastards are starving for entertainment)
-This match went on a while. Then Kidman ran out for no reason at all, really... and tried to inflict pain to Douglas... Douglas elbowed Kidman away... Kidman flew off and BOUNCED off Steiner's big lipped chick's titties... and I DO mean he BOUNCED off those things!
-Steiner, naturally, attacked Kidman for this. Meanwhile, Booker kicked out of a pin attempt, which caused Douiglas to look around at the crowd in amazement (it's so... OLD SCHOOL)
-Booker defeated Douglas while Steiner destroyed Kidman.
-Terry Taylor must be writing this show... it's all very 80's
-commercials
-Steiner's bimbo promised some sort of payback to Kidman in Spanish... Ladies and Gentlemen... I give you... WCW's very own LITA!!!!!!!
-Steiner had something to say too, but I was too busy being astounded that he acualy brough that Egyptian headdress with him to Australia
-Jarrett had stuff to say too.
-commercials
-David Flair was in the ring, waiting for something
-Ric Flair came out. Nice surprise here.
-He took a seat with the Announcers.
-Goldberg came out. Ric was like, "What can I do? I'm just the Father?"
-The bell rang. David chopped away at GB... for the first time ever, GB not selling anything was logical and made sense.
-Of course it was easy enough for the Big Guy. There was a little eye contact between GB and RF... but they ain't going anywhere with the NB until we all find out just who is running things here. Everything's on autopilot, kids.
-Kidman and Konan told Pollshock that they will kick some individual ass tonight. Kidman cut a cool promo, but Konan can die from Ebola and I may very well run down my street naked singing "La Bamba"
-commercials
-Steiner came out with his female... he got on the mic and said something hilarious... none of which made it on-air (I'm wondering... do all this editing make ANYONE want to see Nitro live? Is THAT their plan?).
-Kidman came out.
-Oh, it was neither close, nor fair. Steiner ran roughshod over the kid... who really did prove he could work with a big guy when he ran a good program with HULK F-ING HOGAN!!!
-commercials: I see the slo/mo fight scenes in "Charlie's Angels" and think, "Boy, 'The Matrix' has a LOT to answer for!"
-Goldberg + CNN = Long Orations about how he made this business.
-Jeff Jarrett came out. Konan came out had had something on the mic... of all the weeks for Jarrett to take a break from mic work
-Jarrett attacks early... Konan fights back... Jarrett fights back Konan fighting back... this system continued to snowball.
-Tygress stuck her tired face into it... but Douglas had other plans for her.
-It broke down into a mess... then a Stroke... and Jarrett won.
-Backstage, Sting was ready to do his part for the show... the irony being, of COURSE, he gets to headline a show that's completely phoned in.
-commercials
-Nash now has his own brand of "adult beverage"... oh sure, those Aussies will DEFINITLEY take to a beer with a shirtless Big Sexy on the face... this used to be one giant penal colony, remember... PENAL... sure, it was a long. long time ago... but it the same thing as when the Moors raided Sicily... (I just LOVE that scene)
-So, will Nash goof on us for buying his beer 6 months from now?
-The Lumberjacks came out. In case I didn't already say that the Sting/Nash match was to be a Lumberjack match... allow me to do so now...
-The Sting/Nash match was to be a Lumberjack match
-thank you
-The whole locker room emptied out... No Goldberg, though... no surprise there.
-Nash came out with his crew.
-Sting came out.
-The match started just like EVERY SINGLE KEVIN NASH SINGLES MATCH EVER STARTS!!! Knee to the gut. You'd think someone... ANYONE... would dream up some sort of counter that that.
-Sting bullied to the corner... knees... elbows... hair flips... frame with the hands... crotch chop... elbow... I'm still stunned that they built an entire Sting storyline based on a column I wrote. (Oh, and trust me, this pisses off the ENTIRE Internet)
-Sting fights back... Nash grabs his knee in pain.
-Sting tries for the Scorpion... the NTB's pull Nash into the ropes
-Back in the ring, Nash gives Sting a Sidewalk Slam... Tony called it a "Tombstone"... (MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!!)
-Nash WRENCHES Sting's head sideways. The face 'jacks pound on the mat...
-Steiner runs out and attacks Booker... which reverberates into a huge Lumberjack brawl... which collectively moved up the ramp and towards the backstage...
-Meanwhile, Sting launched a comeback... Big Splash in the corner
-He threw Nash into the ref, with all that hair, Madden remarked that it looked like "Cousin Itt on top of a Midget", which honestly, was not all that bad.
-Sting tried to splash Nash again... but Jarrett popped out from behind nash and popped him with the guitar. Sting went down... Nash fell on top of him... Nash won. Nash and Jarrett celebrated... so did the audience... because this show was OVER!!
Not even close... this was a throwaway Nitro. It's not even their fault. The can't make any hard moves without Russo, who didn't go down there with them... and the whole damn company is probably going to be turned upside down in just a week or so... they have no CHOICE but to cruise on.
One thing it did do was showcase Stevie Ray as a nice, smooth, mellow announcer. Put him, Tony, and Hudson as the main team and you have something.
In fact, I'm GIVING the week to Nitro... just for the Hell of it. Screw it. They can use some moral support.
Let's close this puppy out.
Okay, time to get real.
When I take my vacations, I stay away from the Internet all together. I love wrestling very much, but I can only take so much "inside" crap before my eyes glaze over and I start to contemplate suicide. So, all last week I quietly sat at home and adjusted to life without the dog who's been with me for 12 years.
On Friday, I checked my e-mail. Just to see if Ashish told me to piss off or something... in my mail, I got these two letters:
"Is your real name 'Michael Gagliano' or is that your alias, because there is an article on pwtorch.com also titled "The Death of Easy E" which is exactly the same article you wrote, word for word." This is from someone named "fasdf asdfa"... could be a fake name, could be bullshit... so I disregarded it.
Then I got this from Chris Taylor
"I enjoyed you column on the death of easy E. Apparently, Michael Gagliano did too, cuz he sent it in to pwtorch and got it printed as his. Maybe you knew about this, but it you didn't I figured you should."
Still could be fake... could be phony
These e-mails were sent in only 5 minutes apart. The first one was sent through a Yahoo address, the second through Hotmail. I asked both Widro and Ashish, they knew nothing about it. I scoured the Torch for it... it wasn't there. No trace, no sign. Only these two letters are any prove that this happened. I even wrote to the Torch and asked for an explanation. They didn't answer... why should they? They are all important Internet Deities, why even bother with a small time peon like me? Even though I am probably more popular than Keller, Mitchell, Powell, or any of them.
So, all signs point to this being a scam... something to just screw with my head and get me all upset. Something to make me rant and rave and throw a fit.
Well, guess what? It worked. F-It... jumping to conclusions is what I do
How dare this little faggot, Michael Gagliano steal my work like that? Did he really think he could get away with it? Did he really think I wouldn't find out? You worthless piece of shit... WHAT'S THE MATTER? CAN'T DREAM UP ANYTHING OF YOUR OWN??? YOU NEED TO STEAL MY WORK AND SUBMIT IT AS YOUR OWN??
See, THIS is why the internet sucks. 9 out of 10 times, the typical Internet writer is someone with NO experience, someone who surfed the Net one day, happened upon a column, decided "Hey, I can do that!", then wormed his way onto some site and wrote a column or two. Then they realize that it takes a little bit more effort to make a decent column than to just sit in front of your PC one day and write something. It takes some thought. It takes some skill. Is that what happened Gagliano? You little scumf**k? Decided that you couldn't come up with anything original? So you stole my work? MINE???
This is where all these silly ass "Random Thoughts" columns come from. No-talent dickwads who have no CLUE what to write about.
Asshole... fudge packing, cum snorting, stupid little LOSER!!!! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE
Plagerism... it is a CRIME. I get PAID for my work... I OWN my work. Why shouldn't I sue this guy and sue the Torch? Sue IGO too? If an article that was printed in "Rolling Stone" showed up in "Spin"... what would happen?
But... The Torch pulled the piece (it it ever existed)... yanked it right out. I can only assume that someone informed them of this and they took proper steps. Smart move...
So, what did I learn last week? Well, obviously... I must be the BEST WRITER ON THE GODDAM INTERNET!!! Who's work did this guy steal? One of Scott Keith's scary bad "rants"? No. One of Scherer's commentaries? No. Ask The F**khead Scaia? NO!! Did he pull out one of those ridiculous old columns from that dumb ass group of NWWWO douchebags whom I slapped around a couple of years ago? NO!! He took MY work.
Why? Because it's good... because it's DAMN good... and all these idiots who thought they had me figured out from the Mop-Up can't handle the fact that I AM A TALENT!!!
So THANK you, Gagliano... you punk... you waste of air... thank you for proving what I've said about myself for a long time. I MUST be the King... people steal my work for themselves.
I'm also, apparently, good enough to write for the Torch.
Oh joy.
**************************
Okay, before I sign off, one last thing...
Like I said, I had it out with my Girlfriend last week. The Bi... the ANGEL picked a great time to have it too, right before I put my Dog out.
What we fought about was this column. See, she has never, EVER read the Mop-Up before... she knew I wrote it, but she showed no interest in checking it out.
Last week, she changed her mind and checked it out... as well as all the archives here and at ScoopThis... it wasn't pretty.
So, on her insistance... and because I do love her, here is a message from Melissa... my beloved:
"Recently, I had a chance to read the internet work of my boyfriend, Chris. Now Chris is a sweet man in real life. He is sensitive, caring, and posseses a true, genuine sense of humor. It is why I fell in love with him. The Chris that I know is not the Chris who writes these Mop Ups. The person who writes these inane pieces of gutter trash is not someone I would like to be involved with. I found his vulgar treatment of women and outrageously racial comments to be appalling and offensive. To say that I was shocked by his material is an understatement, especially concerning with that poor man's Mother. I don't know who you people are, but I see the crowds on these wrestling shows on television and I can only assume you are all the same needy, pathetic children whom I see on TV. I fully encourage you to get a life, get a clue, and realize that the material that Chris thinks passes for humor in his column is not decent, acceptable work. I am no tee totaller, I like a good party just like anyone, but I will not allow anyone who thinks like this to be a part of my life. Chris will either change his ways and be the sweet, noble soul that I know and love, or he can stay the way he is and I will find someone else to be with. Chris has a choice. Either me or you. Since you can't take care of him like I can, it's no contest. He can still write these dumb little things, but be assured I will not let him get out of hand ever again.
Love and kisses
Melissa "
Thank you Melissa... I love you.
I do... I really do. Give me a break guys.
Oh, now I feel so douchey... I... I really have to go.
This is Hyatte
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